Walking Alone
by Dawn N
Summary: Set During S3 -- The deal finally takes an emotional toll on Sam and leaves him fighting for his life with his big brother at his side.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Supernatural were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**NOTE TO READERS: **This story takes place after Dream a Little Dream of Me and before Mystery Spot. This is going to be either 3 or 4 chapters long, but I figure a quick story is better than nothings at all. I'm working 6 days a week, so it doesn't allow for a lot of writing but I wanted to do something. This chapter is around 5 pages long.

Happy Reading, I hope!

**Walking Alone**

**Chapter One**

By Dawn Nyberg

"_Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go. So make the best of this test, and don't ask why. It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time …_" Lyric excerpt by Green Day, _Good Riddance_

**Local Bar near Bobby's House, 10:00 PM **

"Dollar for your thoughts," Bobby's gruff voice broke into Dean's thoughts as he took a swig of cold beer.

"Huh?" Dean asked absently. Bobby grunted in response and cleared his throat.

"I said a dollar for your thoughts … where's your head boy? On Bella and finding the Colt?"

"Just a dollar," Dean began with a bemused glint in his eye. He didn't want to think about Bella right now. "I'd think my thoughts are at least worth two bucks or another beer," he attempted to smile but it didn't meet his eyes and Bobby knew what was plaguing Dean's mind.

"You and Sam have a fight or somethin'" Bobby asked bluntly. The younger Winchester hadn't joined them but had opted to stay behind at Bobby's while Dean and the older hunter had gone out to the local bar for a couple cold ones. Of course Bobby had plenty of beer and whiskey at home but he wanted to get out for a bit. Bobby had persuaded the boys to come back to his place for a couple days before running blind after Bella. Bobby thought they could field a few questions around trying to locate her and the Colt through the hunter network.

"Nah," Dean answered as his eyes met the older man's. "It's just…"

There was a long silence and Bobby finally broke it. "It's just what?"

"I'm worried about Sammy," Dean answered honestly.

"Dean," Bobby leaned back in his seat. "He's sure that whole dream root thing was just the root and not his psychic stuff, so…" he stopped mid-sentence when he saw the slight shake of Dean's head.

"It's not that Bobby," Dean began. "It's … you know where we were when I got the call from the hospital about you bein' in a coma … a bar." Bobby didn't react, so Dean continued. "In the afternoon," Dean pushed. "I had to track Sammy down and found him saddled up to a bar in the middle of the day drinkin' a whiskey and he was drunk."

Bobby frowned. He knew the kid wasn't a big drinker and certainly not for the hard stuff. That was one thing Sam had never acquired … the Winchester alcohol tolerance level that Dean or even John had had when he was alive.

"Well, I'm sure he's got a lot on his mind," Bobby tried to ease Dean's big brother worry.

"No, he was going on about how I don't care about myself or wanna help get myself out of the deal…"

"It's a legitimate concern," Bobby added bluntly. Dean's eyes narrowed for a second and then softened just a quickly. He knew Bobby cared for him and Sam, like family, they _were_ family.

"Dammit, Bobby it's not like I don't care, but you know the terms, I screw with this deal and Sam dies … I won't go through that again, I can't."

"So, you're making him go through it in less than six months instead?"

"It's not like that," Dean's voice edged up and his eyes blazed."

"It's not? Last time I checked you're expecting him to do what you couldn't … let go and go on." Dean was silent. "Dean, you know how you felt after your Daddy did what he did for you. You remember, right?" Dean offered only a small nod but did not make eye contact with the older hunter. "So, why can't you understand how Sam is taking this?"

"I get it okay, but he's stronger, he's always been stronger…"

"Why? Because you say so?" Bobby leveled a hard gaze on Dean. "I hate to be the fly in your ointment boy, but that little brother of yours has been lookin' up to you his whole life. You're his big brother and all he sees, all he knows is that his big brother is on a one way trip to Hell cause of him and that you're dyin' for him because you made that damn deal. He's gotta live with that Dean and whether you want to see it, you put that burden on him." Dean sat silent for a long moment.

"I know I'm puttin' him through hell okay, I know. Dammit, if it could be different it would be, but it is what it is, okay? When he …" Dean's voice choked for a second and he took a breath. "When he died in Cold Oak I tried to let him go, alright? I did, but I just couldn't fail him. I wasn't there for him, I didn't protect him. I couldn't save him." Dean's words ran together. The bar may have been full of people and _Boston_ played on the juke box in the far corner but Bobby only heard Dean.

"Sam dyin' wasn't your fault Dean no matter how you want to slice that piece of crap cake. There was nothin' you could have done for him when he was stabbed and you know it." Dean turned accusing eyes toward Bobby.

"You think I was wrong making the deal, right? You think I should have just buried Sammy and gone on, right?"

"Dammit, Dean," Bobby barked under his breath. "Do I think you made a cluster fuck of a deal? Yeah. Do I wish you hadn't? Sometimes. But, I have never, and I mean never wished that Sam was dead. You boys are the closest thing I got to family. Once he was alive again and back with us, I would have sold my own soul to keep him with us if someone had tried to come and take him away." Dean's eyes softened once again. He looked at his watch and was surprised to see that they had been gone a little over three hours.

"We should get back," Dean spoke evenly. The topic wasn't closed off but merely shifted and Bobby took it for what it was a truce, an understanding.

"Yeah, Sam's probably been holed up in that library of mine readin' some ancient book or somethin'." Dean smiled, his little brother was a true geek, but he wouldn't have it any other way. He'd fix things with Sam before time ran out, he just wasn't sure how, but he still had some time, he thought to himself.

**Bobby's House, Fifteen Minutes Later**

Dean made it to the door before Bobby and walked in and quickly stepped on something and Bobby grabbed him by the elbow as Dean lost his balance for just a moment. "What the hell?" Dean complained as he looked down beneath his foot that had just rolled from under him suddenly. It was an amber glass, long-necked beer bottle, an empty one. Dean frowned and shared a glance with Bobby.

"I think that brother of yours has been busy while we were out," Bobby motioned his head toward the rest of the floor leading back to the library. Dean let out a frustrated sigh. He was visually counting the empty bottles on the floor and tables. He saw at least ten.

"Dumb ass is going to have the hangover from hell," Dean flinched at that and offered a bemused smile toward Bobby. "No pun intended." He offered. "Sammy's a light weight, I bet ya ten bucks he's already passed out cold from these." Bobby had wondered toward the dining room as he listened to Dean.

"Ya think," he said with a serious tone as he held up a nearly empty bottle of _Jack Daniels_.

"Sonofabitch," Dean hissed. "You'd think he learned his lesson after praying to the porcelain god during that one hunt I told you about where he got drunk at the Bed and Breakfast." Bobby nodded. "I better go find him and make sure he didn't face plant somewhere or pass out in the bathroom."

"I'd check the library first, it looks like the trail leads that way," Bobby offered. "Yell if you need help gettin' him to bed." Dean nodded.

Dean walked into the library with a purpose and stopped short. He clearly saw Sam across the room stretched out on the couch his head lulled to the side and his left arm dangling off the low sofa. His left hand rested on the wood floor. The room was littered with more empty, long-necked beer bottles. Dean frowned and let out a frustrated and worried sigh as he picked up a half empty bottle of scotch sitting on the corner of the library desk. "Man, Sammy, what am I gonna do with you," he muttered. "I can't leave you alone for ten minutes." Dean looked at his brother once again a few feet away and he studied him.

Sam was pale, a little too pale. There was something in his stillness that made Dean's stomach clench and for a moment his mind flashed back to Cold Oak and he closed his eyes briefly as the memory assaulted him. He stepped forward and closed the distance between them quickly, "Sammy?" he reached out to touch his brother. "Come on ya lush," he kidded as he gently shook his brother's shoulder. Sam didn't respond. "Sam?" he said a little louder. "Come on man, I can't carry your ass across the house. Sam!" his voice louder, firmer, the kind of firm John Winchester used to use and it always worked, only this time it didn't. Dean reached out and cupped his brother's cheek. "Sammy?" he tapped gently but firmly. There was no response except for Sam's head to jostle with the movement and fall still again. He was out cold. Sam felt cool and clammy to Dean and then he found his fingers firmly pressing against the pulse point on his brother's neck searching for a reassuring throb. He felt it but it was weak and uneven. "Sammy?" Dean's tone was thick with concern. "Come on Sleeping Beauty time to rise and shine." Dean leaned down close to his brother's slightly parted lips and waited. He felt an infrequent and shallow exhale and when he waited a few seconds longer as his brother exhaled shallowly he stared at his chest waiting for it to rise again but it didn't. Dean felt his heart leap into his throat. "Sammy!" he yelled in desperation.

"Bobby!" Dean yelled from deep in his belly as he pulled Sam off the couch and placed him on the wooden floor. He arched his brother's neck back opening his airway hoping that made him take a breath, but he didn't … his brother wasn't breathing.

"Dean?" Bobby came into the room quickly and saw the situation. "Sweet Jesus," he breathed out.

"Bobby call 911!" Dean shouted. "He just stopped breathing!" Dean returned his attention to his brother as Bobby ran from the room to call an ambulance.

Dean pinched off his brother's nose and breathed hard into his mouth twice and watched his brother's chest rise and fall with each breath but it didn't start to rise of its own accord, so Dean kept going. His fingers fumbling between every two breaths to make sure his brother's heart was still beating.

"Please," he voice choked. "Sammy don't you do this to me," he leaned in to breathe for his little brother again. "Breathe!" he yelled, but Sam didn't obey.

**To Be Continued**

I hope you enjoyed chapter one. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: refer to chapter one

**NOTE TO READERS: **Thanks in advance for the reviews and PM's I received for chapter one! This chapter is around 6 pages long. I had planned on three chapters, but it may end up being 4, we'll see. I hope to update either Friday evenings or Saturday mornings until the story is finished. I hope you enjoy this new chapter.

Happy Reading, I hope!

**Walking Alone**

**Chapter Two**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Twenty Minutes Later**

Dean sat with wide desperate eyes as he watched the paramedic injecting drugs into his brother's IV while another medic continued to squeeze the bag attached to a tube inserted down Sam's throat. "Matt," the medic keeping track of Sam's vitals called out with a clipped tone. "Hurry up man, his vitals are circling."

Everything had been a blur since the paramedics had first arrived at Bobby's. It had felt like an eternity before help arrived due to Bobby's Salvage Yard being a good twenty minutes outside the city in a rural area. Dean had kept doing mouth to mouth and was desperate to see Sam take a breath on his own, but he didn't. He flinched at the memory of watching the medic intubate his brother back at Bobby's so they could help Sam breathe. Bobby was following in his truck because there was only room for Dean and even then they hadn't wanted to take him but Dean Winchester wasn't easy to say 'no' to especially when it involved keeping him away from his little brother. He had told them Sam had drank a lot of alcohol and he was floored when he had heard a medic call into the ER saying they were bringing in a suspected acute alcohol poisoning case.

The atmosphere of the ambulance was tension filled and Dean just kept watching Sam hoping for even a small flinch, anything. He tried to stay out of the way but still leaned forward able to grasp the fingers of his brother's left hand. He needed the physical contact and didn't care who was watching. A piercing wail broke into the ambulance suddenly, "Shit, lost his pulse," Kevin barked. He pushed Dean out of the way as he and his other partner started working on Sam. Dean watched in horror as they began injecting more drugs while Craig, the young medic doing his interning began compressions on Sam's bare chest. "Matt! We need to be at UVMC like yesterday man, this kid is tanking."

"Kevin," he's in V-fib," Craig motioned to the monitor.

"Okay," he answered quickly. "Matt," he called over his shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"I gotta shock this kid."

"You want me to pull over?"

"No, keep going; just keep her nice a steady, okay?"

"You got it."

"Charge to 200," he ordered Craig. "Clear!"

Dean flinched with each shock and finally after the fifth one he heard the words that made him take a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "We got a pulse back," Kevin declared running a hand across his sweaty brow. "Matt? What's our ETA?"

"Four minutes man, I already updated the ER and they're ready."

**Forty Minutes Later, ER Waiting Room**

Dean sat hunched forward with his hands clenched together. Bobby sat vigil both for Sam and Dean. "He'll be okay Dean," Bobby tried to infuse some hope.

"His heart stopped Bobby," Dean's eyes were anguished. He looked back up at the closed ER doors. "Dammit, it's been almost one hour," Dean hissed. "I want some damn news on Sammy." Bobby dropped a hand on Dean's knee and patted.

"Easy, Dean don't go off half cocked, okay? They're in there helping Sam," he encouraged. "We'll get some news soon."

There was a long moment of silence. "I did this to him," Dean admitted quietly. "My deal, this is my fault."

"Stop right there boy," Bobby's voice was firm. "You've done nothing to him. Did you force the alcohol down his throat?" Dean turned hard eyes to the older hunter.

"No," he snapped. "But, he wouldn't be in there if he wasn't so tore up over this damn deal."

"Dean, how your brother chose to cope isn't your fault."

"It's my job to look after him." Bobby offered a small sympathetic smile.

"No, it's your job to be his brother, not his full-time keeper. This isn't your fault." Dean just turned his eyes down toward the floor and said nothing else for a long moment. "Dean, son," Bobby encouraged.

"I can't lose him Bobby not now, not after everything, I can't…" Dean's voice choked despite his best effort to contain his emotions.

"He's gonna pull through Dean."

"Bobby he was in bad shape, you weren't in that ambulance I was …" his voice dropped off as memories assaulted him once again. Both men sat in silence and waited.

**Ten Minutes Later**

"Family for Sam Conrad," a middle aged man in blue-green scrubs called out. He held a clipboard. Dean and Bobby were on their feet instantly. "Hi, I'm Dr. Keller, I've been treating Sam," he extended a hand to Dean.

"I'm Dean. Sam's my brother," Dean said hastily. The doctor looked at Bobby. "This is our uncle Bobby Singer. How's Sam?" Dean pushed. The doctor nodded at Bobby and offered both men a soft smile.

"Follow me to a consultation room over here." Dean felt his stomach grab spastically as he walked the short distance to the room. A few moments later they were settled at a table. "I'm going to cut to the chase," the physician began. "Your brother is in extremely critical condition. Our most aggressive non-invasive treatments aren't working to stabilize him. His blood alcohol level or BAL is the second highest I've seen in my career where the patient arrived to the ER alive. Sam's BAL is over 0.920; he's unresponsive and is in a deeply comatose state. We've put him on a ventilator but it will all be for naught if we can't clean his system and lower the alcohol concentration."

"Then clean it," Dean hurried out as a tremble worked through his body.

"I need your signature to start a more aggressive treatment plan. I want to start Sam on peritoneal dialysis immediately or we're going to lose him," he said bluntly.

"What is that? I thought dialysis was for people with bad kidneys," Dean looked at the doctor for answers.

"There are different kinds of dialysis. This procedure involves me placing a catheter through Sam's abdominal wall … it's a minor surgical procedure. This technique uses the patient's own body tissues inside of the belly to act as a filter. A plastic tube called a "dialysis catheter" is placed through the abdominal wall into the abdominal cavity. A special fluid is then flushed into the abdominal cavity and washes around the intestines. The intestinal walls act as a filter between this fluid and the blood stream. By using different types of solutions, waste products and excess water can be removed from the body through this process. The fluid will remain in him for a while and evacuated and may be repeated until his alcohol level is manageable. It will help to clean his system more quickly and effectively. It may just save his life." The doctor gave Dean the quick version of explanation but he could clearly tell Dean was just about at his limit to process anything too involved, so he kept it simple for the young man.

Dean was signing the consent form in a blur and the doctor left with the promise to return to the ER with news as soon as he was able but stabilizing Sam and keeping him alive was priority number one. Dean sat and his mind kept playing the doctor's final statement before he'd left to tend to Sam, 'it may just save his life' the word _may_ hadn't been lost on Dean and he knew that he may very well lose his little brother tonight. Bobby sat stoically next to Dean lending support by simply being there although his mind was plagued with the same thoughts of possibly losing Sam, too. Both men sat in desperate silence and waited for word.

**Three Hours Later, ICU Waiting Room, Midnight**

An ICU aide had come to collect Dean and Bobby in the ER at Dr. Keller's request, and they had been waiting for word for three hours. The room was empty and at this point both men were ready to crawl out of their skins waiting to hear about Sam. "Where the hell is Dr. Keller?" Dean spat. "We've been sitting in here for over three hours now."

"Let's give it another half hour and if we haven't heard anything we'll go ask in the unit for some news or something, okay?" Bobby was trying to be pragmatic despite his worry for Sam's wellbeing.

**Ten Minutes Later**

"Dean?" Dr. Keller stood at the doorway.

"Doc," Dean replied quickly. "How's my brother?"

"Holding his own. The treatment is working but admittedly his vitals aren't rebounding the way I would like, but he's holding on."

"What about his vitals?" Bobby asked when he saw Dean was still processing what the doctor had just said.

"His blood pressure is lower than I'd like to see and his heart rate his unstable, so we are addressing both issues with some IV medications. His liver enzymes are off but considering the amount of alcohol he consumed I'm not surprised."

"Has he damaged his liver?" Bobby's tone was serious and Dean's eyes darted from Bobby to the Dr. Keller.

"Permanently? No," the doctor assured. "As long as heavy drinking isn't a norm for him his liver enzymes should stabilize."

"Can I see him?" Dean found his voice. "I need to see my brother."

"I'd like to finish with the peritoneal dialysis first and then you can see him. The treatment is almost over and then we will switch back to other less invasive procedures."

"I don't get it," Dean started. "It's been over three hours … the alcohol should be almost out of him, right?"

"Unfortunately Dean alcohol isn't something you just consume and when you stop drinking its over, alcohol will continue to metabolize for a while and then level off. The alcohol Sam consumed hadn't reached that level off point when our treatment began, so his alcohol level continued to climb for a short while …"

"Wait, what? You mean his alcohol level went higher than when you told me what it was?"

"Yes, it actually peaked at 0.943. As I said he has been the second highest of my career."

"What was the highest?" Bobby asked.

"1.50," the physician answered bluntly. "And the patient survived which in and of its self was a miracle, but he actually walked out of the hospital with no lasting problems when he was discharged. I was just finishing my residency when I had that patient."

"Lasting problems?" Dean broke in. "Sam's just gotta get through this right? The alcohol gets clear of his system he'll wake up and be okay…"

"We'll have to wait and see Dean," the doctor answered honestly. "Once he stabilizes and his vitals are more on target it's my hope he'll wake from the comatose state he's in right now…"

"But," Dean broke in yet again not allowing the doctor to finish. "Wait and see about what?"

"I'll have to see what Sam's neurological status is once he comes out of the coma and I'll be better able to assess him."

Dean just stared wide-eyed at the doctor for a long moment. "Neurological status," he began in an unsure voice. "You're not talking about brain damage, are you?"

"Dean," the doctor began. "I doubt there will be any problems but it is something we have to assess due to the alcohol level and the coma … not to mention the respiratory and cardiac arrest he suffered. Now, I know you played a key role in keeping your brother alive until paramedics arrived, so take heart in that," he tried to assure Dean a little despite the obvious gravity of the situation.

"What good did I do, if he suffered brain damage?" Dean lamented.

"Dean," the physician began. "I was told you were there the moment your brother stopped breathing and you did rescue breathing keeping him alive until more advanced help arrived. He's holding his own but without you he wouldn't have survived to even get to the hospital. Had you not found him when you did, it's very likely your brother would not have survived at all."

Bobby reached out and patted Dean between his shoulder blades. "I'll try to get that through to him doc," he replied with a soft smile directed a Dean when their eyes met briefly.

"So, neurological stuff …" Dean was still worried his mind consumed with the possibility Sam might wake up different or impaired.

"Let's just cross that bridge if we come to it, okay?" the doctor tried to ease a little of Dean's worries although he knew the sibling was pulled taut with concern for his brother. "I'll get back in there and I'll come get you when we finish up, alright? Why don't you and your uncle go down and get a coffee, stretch your legs. It's going to be at least another forty-five minutes to an hour, maybe two before we finish and you can get in to see Sam." He clapped Dean on the shoulder reassuringly and nodded to Bobby with a soft smile and left the two men standing alone in the ICU waiting room. Dean watched him go and felt numb.

**To Be Continued**

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I plan to update again either Friday evening or Saturday morning. Thanks for Reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: refer to chapter one

**NOTE TO READERS: **Thanks for the reviews and PM's. I hope you're enjoying the story. There is one more chapter coming and it will be posted either on Friday night or sometime Saturday of this coming week – either October 3 or 4. This chapter is around 7 pages long. Happy Reading, I hope!

**Walking Alone**

**Chapter Three**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Late Evening, ICU, Sam's Room**

Dean had urged Bobby to go home for the night while he stayed at Sam's side. The older hunter had finally relented only after seeing Sam with his own eyes and making Dean promise to call no matter how late it was if there was even the slightest change in Sam's condition. Dean had been sitting watching his brother for a couple hours now and found himself studying his younger brother. He held his brother's limp hand in his own and stroked the back of his hand with a thumb. The monitors beeped quietly in the dimly lit room and the ventilator clicked and whooshed as it breathed for the youngest Winchester. "Sammy?" Dean's voice was quiet and private just for his little brother. "Well, kiddo you scared the shit out of me tonight," his voice trembled slightly. "It's gonna be okay Sammy, it will," he encouraged. "I know this isn't easy … that it hasn't been easy. I know, I do," he lamented. "I get that I'm expecting you to do what I couldn't in Cold Oak … I couldn't let you go, but I'm making you do it … I'm sorry for what this deal has done to you, to us," he voice broke and his eyes burned. He rubbed harshly as a tear dared to escape the corner of his left eye. "Dammit Sammy," Dean leaned forward and squeezed his brother's lifeless hand. "You can't go man, I need you here, and I can't lose you. I need you to wake up and things will be better, alright? We'll even do one of your chick flick talks, okay? We're gonna be okay. Please …" it was a plea left open ended. He continued to rub gentle circles on the back of Sam's cool, slack hand.

Silence filled the space between Dean and Sam and the shadows stretched long. Dean leaned forward and allowed his body to feel the exhaustion of the last few hours. His head dropped near his brother's arm and he allowed sleep to come as he still held Sam's hand in his own.

**Sam's Room, ICU, 6 AM**

There was a light hand placed on his shoulder and Dean roused instantly. His eyes immediately going to his little brother, but Sam remained unchanged. He looked over his shoulder and Sam's nurse from the night shift smiled softly. "I'm sorry I startled you," she began, "I know it's early."

"Is something wrong?" Dean's eyes darted to his brother and the monitors and back to the nurse.

"No, sweetie, he's improving actually. He's been triggering the vent now for at least three hours while you slept. The doctor feels he's ready to come off the ventilator."

"Really?" Dean turned hopeful eyes toward his younger sibling. "So, he's gonna be okay?"

"Dr. Keller can better answer that question honey and he'll be here shortly to extubate Sam, but he's breathing on his own and ready to come off the vent, so that is a big step for him." Dean nodded and turned his eyes back to his brother.

**Forty-five minutes Later, ICU Conference Room**

Bobby paced by the window of the conference room as he and Dean waited for Dr. Keller and Dr. Taba, a staff neurologist to come for a brief consultation. Dean sat watching the older hunter. "I called as soon as I could Bobby," Dean started. "I just wanted to make sure when they took the tube out Sammy was doing okay."

"Huh?" Bobby stopped pacing. "Nah, boy you called as soon as you could. I'm just glad I'm here to see what the doc's got to say about your brother."

"What if they found something wrong with his … his brain or something Bobby? I mean he's still out of it," Dean lamented. "It's not like he's out of the coma or anything yet."

"Let's see what the doc's have to say after examining him. Look Sam's breathing on his own now and compared to a few hours ago that's a huge improvement. Let's take what we can get kid, okay?"

There was a knock on the door and then Dr. Keller entered first followed by Dr. Taba. "Hi Dean, Mr. Singer," he shook both men's hands. "This is Dr. Taba," he was able to do a brief exam of Sam, however, keep in mind the exam will be more complete once we are able to assess Sam when he opens his eyes." Dr. Jack Taba extended a hand.

"Gentlemen it's nice to meet you."

"Thanks doc … what about my brother," Dean cut right to the chase.

"Well, as you know he's off the vent which is good progress at this point. His pupils have begun to become more responsive and his reflexes aren't indicating any neurological deficit at this time. I've performed some basic bedside neurological exams that have been good. He's begun to respond mildly to deep pain and that is a positive sign in Sam's favor. Both myself and Dr. Keller think Sam should be coming out of his comatose state very soon."

"But, these exams were all good, so he should be okay then, right? I mean him waking up and answering questions is just a formality, so he's okay?"

"Let's not jump the gun Dean," Dr. Keller spoke up. "We're optimistically guarded at this point that Sam will have no deficits but there is only so much we can determine at this point. Now, don't get me wrong, Sam is making big improvements but we have to take these improvements as they come and not jump to hasty diagnoses, okay?" Dean literally deflated in front of the physician. "Dean," he added. "Look, I know you wanted a green light but don't take this as bad news. Everything looks good right now, so don't go worrying until there's something to worry about, alright?"

"Easy for you to say doc," Dean countered but his tone wasn't harsh.

"So, Sam passed the exams you did do?" Bobby added as he tried to salvage the news they had heard.

"Yes." Dr. Taba answered.

"So, based on your current tests there is no sign of brain damage," Bobby asked.

"Yes, based on my current findings there is nothing to indicate that Sam has suffered a permanent impairment. And, once I am able to examine him when he wakes I will be able to assess him and give a final conclusion."

Bobby nodded and reached out and gave Dean's shoulder a squeeze. "It's good news Dean," he added gruffly. "Don't go lookin' for trouble." Dean offered a small smile that didn't meet his eyes and nodded.

"Well, I'm sure you'd both like to sit with Sam, so I'll let you both go. I'll be back through for afternoon rounds and I have left word with Sam's day nurse to have me paged if there is any change or you need to ask me anything, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks doc," Dean pulled himself out of his silent stupor.

**Early Afternoon, Sam's Room, 1:30 PM**

Dean sat in the same spot he'd been occupying all morning except for a bathroom trip or two. Bobby had slipped out to go down to the cafeteria. The older hunter had left with the grumble that he'd shove food down Dean's throat himself if the kid didn't eat what he was bringing back from the cafeteria. Dean still held his brother's hand in his own as he stared off lost in thought. There was a slight movement in his hand and his eyes darted to slack fingers in his palm. "Sammy?" Dean watched his little brother's face for any indication that he was waking. "Come on Sammy? Move your fingers again," he encouraged. "Sam?" The cool fingers moved slightly and Dean grinned. "That's it Sammy," he urged with excitement. "I'm here Sammy." This time the slack fingers curled around Dean's for a brief moment and relaxed once again.

Dean was pressing the call button and asking for Dr. Keller to be paged. Dean was standing and anxiously watching his sibling. "Sammy?" his voice soft as his hand pushed back his brother's long bangs. Sam's brow creased slightly and Dean felt his heart banging against his sternum in anticipation. "Come on Sammy that's it kiddo, open your eyes." The monitors picked up a difference and Dean's eyes shifted slightly from his brother to Sam's heart monitor and noted the change. "Sam? Open your eyes," it was soft but the tone was one of command. "Open your eyes Sam."

Green-hazel eyes opened to slits and then fully opened. Dean watched his brother blink and look at him with a hint of confusion. Sam's eyes shifted slowly around the room taking in the monitors and the IV's snaking away from him. "Hey Sammy," Dean's voice grabbed despite his best effort to hide his emotions.

"How long has he been awake?" Dr. Keller said as he walked into the room.

"Just now," Dean answered eagerly. "Sammy this is your doc." Dean looked at Sam and it occurred to him that his brother hadn't said anything yet. "Sam?"

"Dean," Dr. Keller stepped forward. "Why don't you let me examine Sam and then I'll come out and talk to you, okay? I'm sure this is all a bit overwhelming to him. I've paged Dr. Taba and he's on his way."

"But…" Dean didn't want to leave his brother and had begun to feel cold fear grip his gut that something was wrong with his brother. "Sam?" He watched his younger brother look at him, focus on him and then his eyes shifted away to look at the corner of the room, avoiding his older brother's gaze.

"Dean," Dr. Keller's voice caught the oldest Winchester's attention. "The sooner I can examine him the sooner you can spend some time with him, okay?" Dean absently nodded his eyes drifting back to his little brother who wouldn't look at him. Dr. Taba entered the room just as Dean was being gently ushered out by an ICU nurse.

"We'll be done soon," Dr. Keller spoke evenly. The door closed and Dean lost sight of his brother.

"Dean?" Bobby's voice came from behind as Dean stood staring at the closed door. "Is it Sam? Did something happen?" Dean pivoted and looked at Bobby and the older hunter's heart skipped a beat at the round, wide eyes filled with fear.

"He woke up Bobby, but…"

"But? But what?" Bobby's eyes darted to the closed door and felt his pulse begin to pound.

"I think something's wrong with him…" Dean turned away abruptly and left the ICU with Bobby hot on his heels.

**A Few Moments Later an Empty Service Hallway near the ICU**

"Dean," Bobby's voice softened while his hand reached out to stop the boy's blind retreat down an empty service hallway. "Hey," he urged when Dean attempted to shake the hand off his shoulder. "Talk to me kiddo … you said Sam woke up … that's good, right? Why jump the gun?"

"You weren't in there Bobby," Dean's voice sounded agonized. "He looked at me but he didn't talk Bobby … then he just wouldn't look at me …"

"Okay, but that doesn't me anything is wrong with his brain. He nearly died Dean maybe…"

"Maybe what?" Dean barked. "The doc said he's probably just overwhelmed but what if he's not Bobby? Huh? What then? What if…"

"Stop Dean," Bobby's voice wasn't harsh but his tone snapped Dean out of his rapidly cycling mind. "We're going to wait for the doc to say what he's got to say and then we'll go from there, you hearin' me?"

Dean nodded and Bobby reached out a hand and squeezed the young hunter's shoulder.

**Thirty Minutes Later, ICU Conference Room**

"So, he's okay? Really okay?" Dean felt his adrenalin finally settling.

"He's lucid and was able to answer our questions. His neurological exams were all good and we've determined that Sam hasn't suffered any permanent deficits from his acute alcohol poisoning and cardiac arrest."

"But, he wasn't talking, he wouldn't look at me, I thought…"

"I'll contribute it to Sam being overwhelmed and a bit confused. He's going to be fine Dean," Dr. Keller replied with Dr. Taba standing nearby who nodded his agreement.

"So, when can we take him home?" Bobby stepped foreword. He felt relief that Sam was permanently injured and wanted to get the boy out of this place, so he and his brother could start talking, really talking.

"I'd like to keep him for a couple days. I'm having him moved to the Observation Unit later today and baring any unforeseen complications he'll be home in a couple days."

"Can we see him?" Dean asked.

"Of course."

**A Few Moments Later, Sam's Room**

"Hey," Dean stood leaning against the doorframe. Sam turned from looking out the window and met his brother's eyes.

"Hey," his voice was a little raspy.

"Good to see you awake," Bobby replied from behind Dean.

"Thanks Bobby." Dean stepped foreword and took a seat at Sam's bedside. Bobby grabbed a free seat, as well.

"How you feelin'?" Dean kept his voice casual. "The doc says you're going to be okay."

"Yeah," Sam looked away and suddenly found a small frayed thread on his blanket very interesting.

"Just 'yeah'," Dean leaned back into his seat as he felt the repressed anger he'd kept at bay while waiting to see if his brother lived, now he was okay and it was bubbling to the surface threatening to explode. "You did just say 'yeah' right?" Dean pushed.

"Dean," Bobby attempted to diffuse the Winchester bomb about to go off, but even he could see his voice was falling on deaf ears.

"You almost died Sam," Dean spouted. "Hell, I thought you were gonna be brain damaged or something. You damn near drank yourself to death. Your fucking heart stopped Sam … you did die you lousy bastard," Dean was seething now and Sam looked at his brother.

"I know," Sam met his brother's eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean … I just …"

"You're sorry?" Dean hissed. He stood up abruptly. "I need some air before I say something I can't take back." Dean pushed his seat back and left without further preamble. Sam watched his brother go.

"Bobby, I…" Sam turned dark stricken eyes toward the older man.

"He'll be back when he cools off Sam." Bobby spoke easily. He knew Dean wasn't really mad at Sam just scared about what drove Sam to this point, scared that he'd almost lost his brother, and scared that the ramifications of the deal had come to this and that ultimately he might not be able to make things okay for his little brother and that both scared and angered Dean.

**To Be Continued **

I hope you liked this chapter. There will be one more chapter coming. I plan to post it on either Friday evening 10/3 or Saturday sometime 10/4. Thanks for Reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: refer to chapter one

**NOTE TO READERS: **Sorry! I apologize that I missed my posting date of either this past Friday or Saturday but it couldn't be helped. Thanks as always for all of the reviews and PM's you sent for chapter 3. This is the last chapter of the story. It's around 7 pages long. Happy Reading, I hope.

**Chapter Four**

**Walking Alone**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Early Evening, 6:30 PM, Observation Unit**

Bobby glanced at his watch for what felt like the hundredth time. Sam had finally succumbed to a restless sleep. The young hunter had waited for his brother's return, but Dean had never come back or called. Bobby had tried to smooth things over by assuring Sam that his older brother would return once he cooled off and had his head on straight. The sun outside had dropped low behind the trees and night was coming. Bobby sighed when he looked at the time. He'd just about had enough as he glanced at Sam sleeping. They had moved the young man to the Observation unit earlier in the day. Bobby was grateful that the only other bed in the room was currently unoccupied which leant them some level of privacy. Bobby stood up and left the room quietly. He had a call to make.

**Meanwhile, the Impala **

Dean sat in the car looking over the lake. He had driven straight out of the city and had turned into one of the nature reserves outside the city limits. He had stood outside the car for a while and mulled over his thoughts … thoughts consumed with his little brother, the Crossroad deal, his ticking clock that was clearly running out and the idea that he was leaving Sam behind to deal with the loss. The shadows were lengthening across the water and Dean glanced at his watch and sighed. He knew he had to face the music back at the hospital. He needed to mend things with Sammy and make things right or as right as they could be considering the looming dark cloud of the deal and Sam nearly dying from alcohol poisoning.

His cell phone ran in the passenger seat and he sat afraid to answer it, afraid it was Sam, afraid it was Bobby. It was the beep indicating a text message that got his attention. He picked it up and saw that it was Bobby. He grinned slightly. The older man although tech savvy to a degree had never mastered nor desired to use text messaging. Bobby had groused that _text messaging was for lazy asses who didn't care to talk_. He had also complained that _he could say what he wanted to ten times over in the time it would take to text the info_. Dean flipped the phone open to read the message and what he saw made his gut clench and the car was rumbling to life and kicking up pebbles on the asphalt as he tore out of the abandoned parking lot.

**Back at the Hospital, outside hallway near the Observation Unit**

Bobby felt a little guilty over his brief text message to Dean but he knew it would get the boy here. He'd apologize later for sending the message: 911.

**Fifteen Minutes Later, Hospital Lobby**

Dean ran into the lobby. His mind had been playing nightmare scenarios ever since he had received the text. He had tried to call Bobby once frantic to know what was wrong with his brother. The lack of pick-up had only served to further his panic. He took the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. He skirted the stairs two at a time and ran for the ICU. He slowed his pace once in the unit but his eyes were set on Sam's room and he turned into the room and stopped dead … Sam's bed was empty and Dean felt hollow.

"Dean?" a young nurse that had tended to Sam during his first night stood behind Dean. He turned and looked at her trying to swallow the knot in his throat.

"Where's my brother?" his voice broke and he didn't give a damn. Her face registered the emotion on his face.

"Oh, Dean, no," she assured quickly. "He's fine."

"Then where is he?" Dean asked his voice clearly desperate.

"He was moved to the Observation Unit earlier, room 106," she leaned and looked at the recent transfer list for the day. "It's on the third floor … just follow the signs for the unit." Dean nodded and was gone quickly. Something must have happened in the new unit and he knew he had to get to his brother.

Dean walked into the unit his eyes scanning the numbers on the outside of each room but when he saw Bobby leaning against a wall outside a room his pace quickened to an almost run. "Bobby?" Dean's voice was urgent as he approached the older hunter. "What happened?"

"Relax, he's fine," Bobby answered quickly.

"Your text said '911'," Dean hissed. "What the hell happened to my brother?"

"He's asleep right now Dean but he's okay." Bobby felt a little measure of guilt for the text message but it had to be done. "Look you need to talk to your brother, Dean. You were gone long enough."

"Dammit Bobby," Dean barked. "You scared the shit out of me. I thought …" his voice drifted off as the nightmare scenarios he had cooked up assaulted his mind once again.

"I'm sorry; I just thought if anything would get you here that would. I'm sorry."

Dean could see the sincerity in Bobby's eyes. He nodded and glanced at the room that held his brother.

"How is he? Did the doc see him again or anything?"

"Yeah, a couple hours ago on his final rounds. He thinks he'll discharge Sam tomorrow sometime."

"Really?" Dean turned hopeful eyes to the man he considered his second father. Bobby had been there for him and Sam on and off for years since they were little and after John died Bobby had become the closest thing they'd ever have to a father.

"Yeah, but you boys need to talk now Dean, otherwise you might never and that boy is hurting. He needs you Dean."

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "Is he alone in there?"

"Yeah, the other bed is still empty. Talk to him son." Bobby patted Dean's shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze and left Dean to mend his brother.

**Ten Minutes Later**

Dean sat watching his brother sleep. He sighed and leaned forward. He placed a hand on his brother's forearm and patted gently. "Sammy?" His voice was soft. "Rise and shine Sammy," he encouraged. Sam stirred under his brother's touch and voice prompts.

"Dean?" it was sleepy and unsure. Sam opened his eyes and blinked his older brother into focus. "You came back."

"Yeah, figured a TJ run was out of the question," Dean tried to lighten the mood. Sam forced a small lopsided smile. Dean cleared his throat. "Sorry, Sammy," he started.

"Why are you apologizing," Sam's voice was quiet. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Nah, Sam, no free passes for me kiddo … I was a dumb ass for walking out of here, for spouting off at you and a …" he couldn't finish the statement that was on the tip of his tongue. Sam looked at him.

"Dumb ass for making that crap deal," he offered to insert for his big brother. Dean shook his head sadly.

"Nah, Sammy, I mean I'm sorry for what the deals done to you man, I am, but I ain't sorry for making it. You're here and alive. That's all that matters to me. When you died in Cold Oak … I just couldn't … I didn't know how … I'm sorry I hurt you, okay?"

"Dean, I know why you did it, alright, I do. Hell, I'd do whatever I had to for you, too, but I wish you hadn't sold your soul … dammit, I'm not worth it, okay?" Sam looked away but Dean had seen his brother's tears brimming in those dark eyes.

"Not true little brother," Dean urged. "It's worth it to me." Sam looked at his brother and offered a small grin.

"You're biased," Sam offered. Dean chuckled lightly.

"Yeah, but it's the truth." Dean looked at his brother for a long moment and took a deep breath. "Sam?"

"Yeah?" his voice was unsure. He could detect the fear and resolve in his older siblings voice and partially feared whatever question Dean was about to throw his way.

"The alcohol man … you almost died … what were you thinking?" His tone wasn't accusing just worried, scared. "Were you … were you trying to …" he found the sentence almost impossible to get out of his mouth and was thankful he didn't have to when Sam finished it for him.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself if that's what you're trying to ask," Sam offered quietly as he stared at his hands. Dean blew out a shaky breath.

"Then what were you doing Sammy?"

"It's just …" Sam's voice broke off.

"Just what?" Dean pushed gently.

"The more I drank the more I could …"

"Could what?"

"Forget, okay?" Sam's shot his brother a look. The expression made Dean ache. "Forget about everything. I was numb, alright. It made me forget the deal and the fact that pretty soon you're not gonna be around okay."

"I'm sorry I did this to you Sammy. Look I know this is my fault…" Sam cut him off.

"No, it isn't Dean. I did this all on my own but at least for a little while, I didn't…"

"Didn't what?"

"Hurt," Sam offered solemnly. "Dean," his voice was hushed, but it was the underlying fear in Sam's voice that pushed the red alert big brother button in Dean. The older sibling leaned forward.

"Sam? You okay?" Dean reached up and grasped his brother's forearm gently. "What is it?"

Sam turned anguished eyes toward his big brother. "I'm afraid," his voice was a mere whisper.

"Afraid? Sammy you're gonna be okay, alright, you will," he encouraged. "You can stay with Bobby; he'll watch your back. It's gonna be okay. You'll be okay."

"No," Sam choked. "Not afraid of hunting …"

"Then what?" Dean felt his protectiveness rising up full force. Had Sam been holding out on him. Was there something out there threatening his little brother? "Sammy what?" he urged with a little more forcefulness.

"Afraid of losing you, dammit," Sam barked under his breath. "I'm afraid of not having my big brother anymore, okay?" There it was in all of its painful, agonizing truth for Dean to hear and understand. No matter how old Sam became he was and always would be his little brother and in Sam's eyes he was larger than life, but that shouldn't have been news to him … Sam had been looking up to him for most of his life and now his kid brother was faced with being alone in the truest sense of the word.

"Sammy," Dean's voice choked and he cleared it. "We're going to always be brothers even when I'm gone and I'll always be your big brother," he assured. "I won't be here with you but I'll be with you in other ways, right?"

"Dean I got enough memories to last me a lifetime but I want the real thing not some memory." Sam dropped his eyes from his brother's gaze a single tear cascaded down his cheek. "I'm gonna save you," he looked back up and solid resolve in his voice. "You're not going to hell, I'll find a way."

"Sam," Dean's voice held hesitation and a warning tone. "You know the terms we jack around with this thing and you die. That ain't happening kiddo. I'll stop you if I have to."

"I'll be careful, we'll be careful. There's a way to save you I know it and I'm going to find out what it is. You're not going to hell Dean … you're not dying for me."

Dean could see his brother getting worked up. "Okay, calm down, alright? We'll figure it out." He assured. "So," he shifted the conversation quickly. "Are you really feeling okay?"

"Yeah but these small sutures itch a little," he offered his brother a smile as he gently scratched the area of his gown covering his stomach.

"Yeah, well don't go poking around okay? It's from the dialysis thing they did to clean the alcohol out of your system," Dean explained.

"Yeah, the doctor filled me in," Sam dropped his hand from lightly scratching. "I'm sorry for scaring you," he offered quietly. "I just wish…"

"I know Sammy me too, okay man," Dean smiled genuinely at his younger brother but frowned a little when Sam became quiet and turned his face away. "Hey, what is it? Talk to me," Dean urged.

"Nothing," the word was wet and choked and Dean swallowed the full lump in his throat. Sam was crying. He reached his hand out tentatively and grasped Sam's forearm gently.

"Come on Sammy, you're always a chatty Cathy when it comes to feelings, so tell me, okay? I'm asking and that doesn't happen often … I mean it must be a blue moon or something right, so …"

"I just …" Sam's voice wobbled and choked. Dean squeezed the forearm beneath his hand.

"Just what?" his voice was gentle.

"I just don't want to lose you not like we lost Mom and Dad. I can't lose you, too. I can't …" Sam's voice dissolved into quiet tears. "Dammit," he hissed quietly as he roughly rubbed the tears away trying not to look at Dean.

"It's okay Sammy, I got ya," he said gently and leaned forward and pulled his brother to him and hugged him. It was something they did often but t his was one of those moments that called for it. Sam was hurting and Dean couldn't ignore that, so he gave Sam what he needed the most in that moment, him … he gave Sam his big brother. Sam held tightly to him and allowed the tears to come. "I got ya kiddo," Dean reiterated.

"Promise me we'll find a way out of the deal Dean," Sam whispered into Dean's shoulder. Dean sighed.

"I'll promise you we won't stop looking until the last second, okay?" It wasn't what Sam had asked but it was good enough and he'd have to take it. He nodded against his big brother's shoulder. Dean squeezed tighter to his little brother and held him close.

Bobby stood out in the hallway having come back to make sure the boys had at least attempted to talk, he felt the sting in his eyes and an emotional tightness in his chest. He'd help them search for a way out … he wouldn't stop until the last second either. He walked away quietly to allow the boys more time.

**Two Hours Later, Sam's Room**

Bobby walked into the dim room and smiled at the sight. Sam was asleep and Dean had fallen asleep in his chair with his feet propped up against Sam while one of Sam's hands had latched onto his brother's jean clad leg in his sleep. He knew the boys were both emotionally and physically drained from the last couple days. He left quietly with a soft smile on his face that quickly turned to one of determination, he was determined to find a way to not just save Dean but both boys because in losing one, both would be lost and that wasn't an option.

**The End**

I hope the ending was a satisfying one. Again, I apologize for missing my posting date, but real life has just been too hectic verging on insane busy, so for better or worse I got the chapter done as quickly as possible.

I may be on a posting hiatus for a while, but rest assured that I have a lot of fic ideas that have been percolating for a while, so it's not that I don't have stories in my head ready to write for all of you, but I have to find the time to write them and post, too!

Thanks again for reading, I hope you enjoyed the story!


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